Space is the Ocean, Matter is the Shore

✩⡱ Diary entry of disorganized thoughts on life, death, & the symbolism of emptiness

My parents are both dead, sorry! My dad died when I was 27, and my mom died when I was 29. I am now almost 34. They both died suddenly, insofar as alcohol and substance abusers with related and unrelated health issues can die suddenly. Both their deaths were shocks to me, but my mom’s was stunning. When the call came, I simply responded with, “Oh, okay. Are you sure? Okay.” I still haven’t fully registered that she died. I wasn’t able to fly back to the United States afterwards. I didn’t attend her funeral, and I was uninvolved with the funeral and postmortem arrangements. My half-brother did almost everything I wouldn’t have; like pour out some of her ashes into a parking lot, separate them, give a tablespoon of ashes, in a fucking dime bag, to one of her literal opps, and then stored the remains in a jar atop his bar, surrounded by alcohol. What is wrong with him?