Why Won't God Punish Me Harder ... and Harder and Harder?
March diary entry
Hello, it’s me… Silk Cellophane… Your devoted conduit of cosmic architecture and psychic channeling from the landfills of desire, which slowly, but surely, overcomes the natural creation and rebirth cycles of our dearly beloved terrestrial planet…
This post is a simple diary entry, small update, and is partially pay-walled for security and loyalty purposes.
Big kisses to those who’d like them ♡
March felt beautifully long. Time was so sweet, stretching out life like that, making it slow for me 💗 (and maybe for you too?). It’s is one of my favorite months, because it is two years in only one month — the boundary between the desolation of winter and the resurgence of life and regeneration of spring. It’s so beautiful, romantic and tragic! Early in the month — the world is dreamy, hazy — it’s still cold and dark, and we’re at the end of winter. By mid-February, you can feel the sun coming back, but March is when it really starts to feel close, though you’re still prisoner to winter… until finally!! Spring comes and you’re in a whole new cycle again !!! ⏰☀️👒🌷🌸💗 What a gift, even if life is violent and terrifying…
I haven’t been posting much because Lover’s Palace took a big reservoir of water out from my soul. I wrote in 4 days, and it was triggering/illuminating? It made me realize that my fantasies of romance and true love fairy tales actually damage my real-life functioning. While doing the dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, brushing my teeth… I start wondering… why isn’t Prince Charming coming to rescue me, and torture me with his otherworldly love? Why am I cleaning, when I should be in a remote castle, weaving golden threads, locked in a cage, whispering my poems and love-songs to him, like his pet dove? Maybe that’s what I’m doing, but it only seems like I’m in a concrete apartment, surrounded by plastics, and all this modernity is a façade on a more enchanted reality…
I’ve learned, this March, the necessity of compartmentalization. Real Government Secrecy. Two-faced, MKULTRA, alter ego love-trigger. Vaulted psychic gates. Emotion-activated moats. I envision myself welding steel sheets together until I am enclosed in a metallic dome — hot and sweltering, red, violet, heat stroked, and about to burst. I keep the fire inside, burn alone, while the rest of the world drowns… You’re being baptized, but I’m already pure.
I keep Lover’s Palace in a hidden, repressed universe. It takes practice. I can’t tell anyone about my projects or my experiments, which I must conduct to better understand the meaning and function of True Love, Romance, Devotion, Obsession, Lust, Sacrifice, Eternity, Imprisonment…
By mid-April, I hope to upload a new episode of Nervous Current, and I’m also thinking about doing some “guided” meditations, sort of an ASMR type of thing? Of spells, poems, affirmations, and chants to warp listener’s heads… Would you be into this? I might make it pay-walled because it will likely be softcore-sexual and too intimate for me to share publicly.
Mid-month, we went to a serial killer exposition. While I’m not really into true crime, I do have a fascination with Aileen Wuornos and the BTK killer. I attribute my fascination to their both being heavily covered by the media during the 2000s, and the fact Aileen Wuornos is a saint, and the BTK killer is one of the most perverted human beings I’ve ever heard of. In any case, my baby daddy is very much into investigations and violent crime, so he really enjoyed it. It was sort of strange, because most of the killers were/are American, and it makes you question whether serial murder is an American thing (false), or if it’s that American culture has no qualms with making celebrity entertainment culture from violence, killing, and brutality. It’s also very sad, because most of these killers were neglected by society, and, in my opinion, highlight social and civil negligence. The most uncanny aspect was this VR station and the fact you can tell that the exposition panders to the Netflix true-crime make-up podcast part of culture. It just seemed… Icky. Gross because these people should be pitied and condemned, not celebrated, and because there is just such a huge market demand for murder. People want murderers. People want stalkers. People want violence and brutality. Intensity. Encounters with death to feel that they’re truly living.
The rest of this post is for paid-subscribers. Since Neptune (the higher octave of Venus) is now transiting my 7th house (of Others, relationships, romance, love), I am giving a 12% discount for annual subscribers. If you want to see more of my private life and access more intimate content…………… this offer is only available for a few days, until 3 April 2025. 😊
